=( but need to keep on =)

Things do happen when you least expected. And whether you like it or not, if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be. We just cannot force for things to happen. Even if you hope for it, every single day of your life. I did my part, the best that I could. But it wouldn’t happen, for now, at least, I hope.

Maybe some things are not meant to be. Or maybe some things take time for it to happen. Time, is what I have now. But time is killing me. Guess that is what you get when you anticipate something so much. After months of being in the ‘uncertain’ zone, today, a little birdie told me to let it go. It was hard to swallow but I need to. Like I said, I cannot force things or a person on what I want. And I’m really sorry that it happened. And I’m really sorry it didn’t happen. Yeah, sorry for myself. =(

Do I give up now? Or should I keep praying and hoping that it would happen one day? I don’t know. This is my first time and I didn’t know that it would hurt so much. It also makes me feel like karma is getting back at me. Is this how it feels? Feeling broken hearted? It’s like a mixture of wanting to cry and trying to hold on at the same time. That’s how I feel right now. I want to cry because it made me really sad. But I still want to hold on to it because it was the best thing that ever happened to me so far. And I can’t run away because it has been part of my life since I was a kid. I had a big loss today.

So what should I do now? Take up a hobby to keep myself busy so that I won’t feel lonely? I guess. And also, I need to make sure that I’m so tired every night before bed to prevent myself from thinking about stuff that can make me sad and cry before I sleep. Looking and feeling sad is the last thing that I want my mum to notice in me. She knows everything. So I need to put on a smile everyday. I just don’t like to show my weak emotions to my loved ones. Call me an ego but I don’t to worry them. I do feel like telling my mum about it, but she knows him. And I don’t want her to blame him because it was nobody’s fault. Time and distance were the factors. And I guess I scare him.

Everything happens for a reason. Including what happened to me today. But still, he’s my best friend. And I’m keeping that. For what it’s worth, it’s better that way. So, I’m keeping my chin up and will be looking on the bright side. Maybe it’s true when they say that the grass is greener on the other side. =)


2008 has been a year with loads of ups and downs. And I’m thinking that 2009 wouldn’t be any different. That’s how life is supposed to be like. It’s a matter of how you handle it.

Happy new year to all of you. May 2009 brings more joy and happiness to us.
*fingers crossed*

and that's that